Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Mountains that Mold Me

Yesterday I was thinking big. Today I am thinking small. Walk away from the challenges. Maintain my status quo. A roller coaster. Probably because I am making a big step? A big financial step. One that will mitigate the incremental cash outlays that sum to a bigger number. But hard to give the go on the big outlay.

I spoke to a friend yesterday and she said if you stop now you will be dissatisfied and if you go now and it doesn't work out you will be dissatisfied. Interesting dilemma. The reality is that I am inspired by the new projects and when they are not there, I am less excited by life. I do need a constant injection of stimulating ideas to keep me whole.

Interesting that when things look difficult,when you actually do them, they seem rather simplistic in retrospect. The dichotomy of the difficulty of a stimulating task. From that task arise all kinds of negative states within me. I see parts of me that do not surface when everything is easy. Is this conquering my demons or awakening parts that are better off asleep?

I have no answers. It is an ongoing growth that when it is happening you cannot observe the result. It is only in retrospect that you realize that the mountain molded the person and that we are better for having climbed it.

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