I Have an Inner Princess!

I grew up in a time when retail was functional but not meant to entertain. I should say my inner princess was growing up then. Everything you needed was there but there was no glitter and lights. Or not that I remember. It just was what it was. We did not know enough to realize that we might be missing something. So my inner princess sat quietly inside.

There were no pink frilly things, no sparkly things in my memory. I did not know they were even out there if they were. So what happens when this inner princess, who has been repressed through years of working in the competitive world of business, while I made my way to Director with a major blue chip company, suddenly starts to communicate with the competent shell in which she has been hidden for so many years.

I realize that my inner princess is there when I pass by any store with sparkly or pink things and I am unable to comprehend my strange fascination with all things in this realm. Until recently I think the only pink thing I owned was a pink Iron Man T-shirt buried deep in my cupboard. (My dog wears it on Breast Cancer runs now!) The rest were varying shades of blue or black with an odd splash of red.

So how to explain the sudden infiltration of all things pink when I am about to turn 53. Strange sparkly sweaters that I have yet to wear and can no longer remember why I had purchased them. A lifetime of pent up desire or the emergence of my inner princess?

For Christmas we decided that we would not purchase gifts but would give things away to those that had no gifts. After Christmas I listened to some friends who were over talking about some pretty cool gadget gifts one of which was an IPAD and my inner princess cried. (Not really but she stamped her feet a lot!)

And then the day I had to clean the caulking in the shower might have been the day she died. I think she was buried in the caulking I removed. Certainly not a job that a princess would do. Note to myself: Hire someone to do that one next time!

Could this strange awareness of the possible existence of an inner princess actually be aligned with going back to a time when you knew clearly what your hopes and goals looked like. A time when you planned to do something and then you did it and then you made another plan. And you did that. And then life started rolling along seemingly by itself. And so you handled whatever life threw your way. You handled other people's priorities without a second thought too. Your inner princess is the child in you tapping you on the shoulder and saying "Remember?".

My inner princess has surfaced to remind me of a time when my life was my own and my goals and plans were endless and possible. This is the second act and could it be that my dreams are just as endless and possible.

A Bona Fide Midlife Crisis!

For all of you who have been reading my blog each time I publish, I ask you this...has anyone noticed that this indeed is a bona fide midlife crisis in my life?



Here is how Cathy Meyer at about.com describes the symptoms of a midlife crisis.



Unhappiness with life and the lifestyle that may have provided you with happiness for many years.



Boredom with people and things that may have been of interest to you before.



Feeling a need for adventure and change.



Questioning the choices, you have made in your life and the validity of decisions made years before.



Confusion about who you are and where you are going.



Anger at your spouse and blame for feeling tied down.



Unable to make decisions about where they want to go with their life.



A few of these may apply given the content of my previous blogs. How about that. I am a typical person experiencing a midlife crisis. I wanted to view this time as something so much more positive than that.



I am experiencing my midlife crisis but I prefer to look at it as a midlife quest. A quest for new directions and things that matter. All the writings on the subject indicate that it is, despite it's trite handle, a redefining, reinventing stage of our lives and that we need to be patient and let the experience unravel as it should. There is a peaceful knowing in that.

Symbols of Freedom

Yesterday I bought a new car. I have never been a car person. For the most part if the car starts when I turn the key, I am okay with whatever I am driving. This car was different. It is the car I have admired from afar with no real intentions of ever having one. Just looking.

It is a convertible. Somewhat symbolic in the sequence of cars that have passed through my life...various vans and larger cars with room for hockey bags, knapsacks,luggage and golf clubs for my children and their large varied group of friends whom I have driven around in the last 20 years. On the new car, when the hood is down there is no room in the trunk for my purse (bit of exaggeration but you get the idea).

The car is about how it feels, not how it looks. (Although I did analyze my reasoning on this before buying the car.) I think I am about how it feels and how it fits with my quest for personal freedom. Freedom from being who I should be. Freedom from expectations. Freedom from financial obligations. Freedom from work that pays the bills but does not feed my soul.

When I look at my life, it is so great in so many ways. Maybe this dissatisfaction with a satisfying life is a catalyst to rocket me to the new place that represents the next stage in my development. Van Breathnach thinks the world sees behaviors such as this as a midlife crisis of sorts. She says that it is not a midlife crisis but rather a precursor to creating a new life that fits with the person who you have become. We created a life when we were young that suited who we were then. And we are still living it now even though we have become someone else. So it doesn't fit anymore and therein lies the source of our dissatisfaction.

What fun it is to create the new life. Consciously evaluating all the things that make your heart sing! Then slowly but surely making those things a part of my life. Then to work the financial side of it to support the lifestyle I am creating.

Here's to symbols of freedom! They make you able to see and touch a part of the nebulous cloud that you are moving towards.