Sunday, July 25, 2010

Pushing Against Myself

I went to the Canadian Open today. I was not planning to. The tickets were available and there was no one to take them. I woke up this morning and looked at the drive and the whole day and felt like I did not want to go. It seemed to be too much trouble. But I went.

I had the best time! I saw new things that I had not experienced. I had a great time with my teenage son. Fits right in with my goal of experiencing new things. I was outdoors all day on a sunny, warm day. It was truly unbeatable.

But I want to go back and analyze my distinct reticence about going. Trying new things brings out a strange resistance in me. An actual feeling of not wanting to go. Looking for reasons why I shouldn't. Thinking of the chaos of the large group of people. Parking. Highway driving. Easier to stay home. I thought of all the reasons it would not make sense to go. Where does that resistance come from?

New memo to self. Watch and conquer this resistance. It keeps me where I am and inhibits my plan to experience new things. Interesting how I can be my own foil. Helps to be honest with yourself about how you behave. It lets you face your demons and realize they are not frightening at all!

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