Big Idea! Starting Small!

Working on the big new idea. Breaking out of old patterns. I have spent my whole life as a great employee. Now those well honed talents can be used to achieve my new goals.

I am thinking that I do not want to be 70 and looking at the path not taken and wondering what if..... Boldness looks good on me. It puts an excitement into my step that I did not know was missing. When you are in love, love does that. It colours everything you do with a magical palette of intense colour. Finding your path can make you feel the same way. That explosion of colour also tells you that you are on the right path. Where am I going? I don't know but it certainly is fun getting there.

False Events Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.)

I have a plethora of great ideas for new businesses. Every time that I have an idea I write it into my notebook. Some ideas are discarded because it makes sooo much sense to discard them. Others I scope out in detail until....I figure out why I should not go forward. I seek reasons why each will not succeed. I magnify them in my mind until I am unwilling or unable to go forward. New honesty. It is called fear. Here is a wise thought.

"Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here is another. "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.... You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
Eleanor Roosevelt

I know these truths intellectually. It doesn't quell my fears. I do know that every time I have been afraid, but have gone forward (or been pushed forward), I have emerged stronger, wiser, and more enlightened. Knowing all these things does not change my fear. Yet if I keep doing what I have always done, I will get what I have always had. Old results. Not bad. I can see the new results waiting for me in the distance beyond my fear

What People Think

What would you do if you did not care what people think? Who would you be? What would you do? Where would you live? I answered this by trying to define what are the things that I could not live without....the things that give me pleasure. Here is what I came up with. I would like to have my family, my computer, my camera, clean fluffy bedclothes, a place to cook amazing creations, lots of books, a bicycle, good running shoes and really good red wine (no wine is better than bad wine). Depending on if I am travelling or home based I would also need a car...although sometimes I think walking and biking everywhere would be fun (but I may never see my friends who live further away than my current state of fitness allows.)

Would I work at this job? I think I might like to do my own creative thing instead. Interesting that when I was in University, it was quite in vogue to pursue Business disciplines. My natural tendencies leaned towards the Arts -- psychology and the brain fascinated me and still does. I moved to a Business Major because that was deemed to be a route to "success". I was successful on the job when I got out of school too. But it never fascinated me. It propelled me forward because I received accolades and promotions. And I was the archetypal successful woman at a time when the idea was still new. So although I definitely blazed new trails, they might have been on the wrong mountain. So now I want to define what it is that floats my boat.

The list of my favourite things is quite simple. So what is this complex life that I have built around me. Time to dismantle.

Van Gogh Did Shoot for the Moon

A few people have asked me why I write a blog. To me it is just like journal writing which I have done in brief intermittent moments of clarity but really nothing that endured. In a blog, you get the chance to write about your hopes and dreams. Sometimes when you write things down, it gives clarity to what seem to be rather haphazard and unrelated thoughts when they are in your mind. Journal writing and blogging lets you recreate the story of what you want your life to be. "Writing in a journal helps you to live with greater clarity and more deliberately." It lets you dream and create new possibilities, first on paper and then in real life. It lets you sort through some of the big ones. Writing them down clarifies the key points that need action. It lets you formulate a plan for action and it lets you dream bigger than life. Because "if you shoot for the moon and you miss, you will still be among the stars." And blogging gives me a time to focus on my thoughts and develop one or two of them before I return to the busy-ness that takes over all of our lives. Brian Souza says "...if we are not careful, we can very easily fall into the trap of focusing all our energies on making progress on our daily to-do lists rather than fulfilling our heart's deepest desires." I am good at the former and working on the latter.

What Is It That I Am Longing For?

Barbara Sher talks about our feeling that "growing up has stolen something of enormous value from you", in her book It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now. Hmmmm....it never occurred to me but as soon as I read that statement I locked in on it but still had difficulty defining what it was that was stolen from me. Read on. She will hit another point of clarity with this statement. "We have never forgotten the special freedom of childhood and we miss it, deeply". Hmmmm...again. She then arrives at the fact that it is that delicious sense of childhood wonder that we miss...."an adult dose of exciting thoughts, full strength intellectual and creative stimulation." That is why we crave travel to new lands, artistic endeavors and the attainment of heart racing new physical feats. We want to feel that mental excitement all over again.

We want to have the freedom "to go for our dreams and to rediscover your original self that got buried under the seductions of achievement and family." In her book, Barbara is so eloquent that I find my thoughts reflected on the pages of her book. She believes that you can get your sense of wonder back without leaving your current world and that when you have it back then you can travel and create and learn and feel like a child all over again. I like that.

I read her book just after I turned 40. I thought it was all right. I guess I was not ready to hear all that she had to say. I am fifty plus now and I am ready.

5 Year Plan

I have a five year goal to take early retirement from my reasonably pleasant job and now I need to create a step by step plan to arrive at that goal. I thought I would like to travel for an extended period of time when I retire. Five years or so...it is actually hard to put a time value on this as I have no certainty that I will enjoy travelling for a long time. I would like to come and go until I no longer can. I have no desire to live opulently abroad but rather to live simply and close to the essence of wherever I am. Cooking lessons in China, Italy, and France are certainly on the agenda but I would not be above working for free in the kitchen of a restaurant that would let me watch them work their craft.

I might like to practice yoga in India and learn to meditate. (Right now when I try to meditate my chronic list invades the quiet space and takes over.) The magic of all this is that anything is possible! I can decide to try something or go somewhere and immediately I can go try it. Within reason of course. Swimming in all 5 oceans is a fun thought as I love swimming. The Arctic will challenge me but maybe I will do a polar bear swim up there one day. (5 seconds or less in duration then right into a hot tub.) I have swam in two of the Oceans already-the Atlantic and the Pacific. Three more to go.

Going Forward while Looking Back

I was sitting with my sons this evening talking and I realized how amazing these days actually are right here and now. It is important as I stretch to find the future passion in my life that I continue to be grateful for the joy that exists in the present. They are teenagers now and we are all starting to feel our wings (again). My whole existence has been about them and now I am going to fly again never forgetting that these are the good old days. I have enjoyed every minute of the ride that was bringing them to this point but now it is almost over. How bittersweet the moment. Part of me wants to fly and part of me wants to go back to those innocent simple days when they were all mine and depended on me for everything. And the other part wants to explore the world and see and live new experiences that make my heart sing. Flying through life with only my own needs to think about. Hmmmm....